Mother's Day
Paul and I felt that we needed to be in Utah to have Millie. We decided that I would go out to Utah as late in my pregnancy as I could, and stay there for the summer until it was time to head out to South Carolina for Paul to start working in the Navy. He would stay out in Kentucky, take boards and finish up school and meet me in Utah. So i flew out to Utah when i was thirty five weeks pregnant on April 9th. Paul graduated from dental school on May 10th from the University of Louisville. He was going to catch a flight home to Utah the next day at 8:00am, due to arrive at 1:20pm.
On May 11th I woke up at 3:30 am with pretty consistent contractions. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. So I decided to start timing them. They were five minutes apart for an hour, so I went into my moms room and told her that I was pretty sure that today was the day I was going to become a mom. How fitting for Mothers Day! I laid in my moms bed for another hour, continuing to time my contractions. They were getting closer together and stronger, so I decided to call Paul to let him know. I knew that he would stress out so I had to make sure I was really in labor. I called Paul while he was on his way to the airport and let him know that I was headed to the hospital. I told him to call me before he boards the plane and then again at his connection in Denver.
My mom and I got my bags and headed into the hospital at about 6:00am. We got to St. Marks hospital around 6:30. They put me in a room to check me and see if I was really in labor. My nurse Renee came in and sure enough I was 4cm and 80% effaced. They got me all hooked up and ready to go. They put the monitor on my stomach to listen to Millie's heartbeat. It was so calming to hear her little heartbeat in the background while they were getting things ready. I was so nervous, I did not want to have this baby until Paul got to Utah. Renee got some fluids going for me so that we could hurry and get an epidural to hopefully slow things down. Paul called me right before the plane took off, I told him he better hurry and get here. I told him I loved him and that I would talk to him when he got to Denver. Right when I hung up with him Dr. Thurgood (the anesthesiologist) came into the room. He had me lay on my side to give me the epidural. Everything went smoothly, for a second. I rolled back over, he told me it would take a second to kick in and explained what it would feel like. All of the sudden I started to feel a little nauseous. My blood pressure dropped very low really quickly so he gave me some medicine to try to get it back up. The very second that the medicine entered my body my head started throbbing. I remember feeling like my ears were bleeding because it was pounding so hard. It felt like my brain was expanding over and over hitting the inside of my skull. I've never felt so much pain in my life. I remember looking at my mom as I started to cry telling her what was happening. Right then my leg started to shake and I started to have a seizure. The last thing that I remember is not being able to hear Millie's heartbeat very well. It scared me so bad, I wanted her to be okay.
I started to wake up at about 10:00am. My mom and Dad were both in the room, with my nurse. My mom said to me, you've had your baby Whitney. I remember looking down at my stomach and gasping. It was so weird to not have a belly there. And I was so confused as to what happened.
Where was my Millie?
Is she okay?
My mom told me what had happened. She explained that they couldn't get a good read on Millie's heartbeat and that she wasn't getting proper blood flow. So they rushed me in for an emergency c-section. They had to take Millie right to the NICU because she had pulmonary hypertension and some fluid in her lungs.
These are the pictures my mom took of her when she was first born. She came into this world ten days early!
6lbs 11oz. 19 Inches long.
When my mom showed me these pictures, my heart seemed to burst with love. All I wanted to do was hold her and make everything better for her. It was so hard for me not to be able to see her! Meeting my little girl for the first time in a photo was so hard! I just couldn't wait to kiss her and squeeze her!!!
This was a picture of my mom and I as they wheeled me to my room. I am forever grateful to this amazing woman. She was so strong through such a traumatizing experience. She stood by my side and offered me support when Paul couldn't be there. Even though I don't remember most of it, I know she never left me alone through any of it! No mother should ever have to witness her daughter and granddaughter go through the trauma that Millie and I experienced that day. But I am thankful that she was there to get us both through it, with her strength, knowledge and love. Words cannot express how much I love my mom. (If you notice the comb, apparently I was obsessed about my hair when I came out of surgery, they had to go find me a comb and keep brushing my hair)
I got a phone call from my sweet husband right when he landed in Denver, a little bit after ten. I told him the whole story of what happened. I've never heard Paul sob the way he did as I was telling him the story. He just kept saying how sorry he was that he couldn't be there, and that he loved me. He said he should've never stayed in Kentucky to graduate. He just felt so helpless and wanted nothing more than to be here with me and Millie. Later he told me how he was in the middle of the airport sobbing uncontrollably, so he stuck his head in between two pillars and just cried.
To top it all off his plane ended up being delayed an hour due to snow. I can't imagine the way he must have felt sitting on that plane just waiting for it to take off to get get to his family.
Paul finally got there around 2:30pm. I remember him walking in the room, coming over to hug me and just started crying. I held the back of his head and cried. I was so glad he was finally here and I missed him so much(being away from him for a month and not having him there during her birth)!!! I had him go right downstairs to go be with our little girl. Since I couldn't be with her or see her I wanted him to go as quick as he could.
Paul meeting his baby girl for the first time. She was hooked up to so many machines, and had a ventilator, so they had to give her a paralytic to make it more comfortable for her. They wanted minimal stimulation, so all Paul could do was lay his hand on top of her leg ( the only place in her body free of tubes). Paul's brother picked him up from the airport so he was able to be there when Paul met Millie. They both were there to give her a blessing. My mom told me it was such a spiritual moment to watch as they laid their hands on her little head to give her a blessing.
Later that night the nurses said that I was finally okay to go down and meet my daughter. I don't remember much of any of that first week, but I do remember some moments of how I felt. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was, and how lucky I was to have her. That my Father in Heaven gave me this strong sweet spirit. Her name means "gentle strength", I think it is so fitting for our little fighter! I hated seeing her hooked up to so many machines, all I wanted to do was to take them from her, I would take all her pain away if I could!
We were so blessed to be here in Utah for her birth. We had so much love and support through all of it! We were going to have the baby in Kentucky, we felt we needed to be in Utah. I was going to have her at Alta View with Dr. Smith, where my mom works, because that just made sense. Then our insurance came back and said that they wouldn't cover us at Alta View. So i had to find a new doctor for the third time, and went to Dr. Watts at St. Marks. It was where we were supposed to be, In Utah with friends and family to help support us and at St. Marks where they had a NICU. We know that through all of this our Father in Heaven was watching out for us.
Monday night they finally took her off of that awful ventilator and put her on oxygen. I loved getting to really see her cute little mouth without the huge tubes down her throat!
One of our favorite nurse Ken put a little pink bow on her head. She just looked so cute!
I am so blessed. I have an amazing husband and a wonderful family. Paul and I are so lucky to have our sweet Millie! Words cannot describe the love I feel for such a tiny little girl. She has such a special place in my heart. Our lives are changed forever and we couldn't be more excited!! Thank you to all those who came to visit in the hospital! All those who brought food, treats and gifts! I believe in the power of prayer. I know there were so many people praying for her and our home ward fasting on her behalf. I know that it is the faith of all those who prayed for us that we are able to be healthy and enjoying our time with her at home. I know that the lord was by our side through the whole thing. He was very aware of us! Everything fell into place the way it was supposed to! I am so thankful and felt so much love through all of this!
